Some more lessons learned

Today I spent the morning in the waiting room, waiting for my gramma to get out of surgery. She was having cancer removed from her face.
I marvel at some people's strength and reliance on God. My gramma is one of those amazing people. She has, in her 67 years, been thru every trauma possible. The loss of a child. Children backsliding.
Her husband, a pastor no less, committing adultery after 30 years of marriage and walking out out on God. Financial ruin. Suffering a nervous breakdown. Cancer. Twice now.Losing her beautiful long hair because of chemo. And I act martyred if I go thru anything substantial! I need whatever it is that she has.

I don't understand God or His "will".
It must be much bigger than my mind can comprehend. But in my heart of hearts, I want the right things. Even if they go against my grain. This song is my heartbeat right now.



I wish I could tell you just what I want,
And you give it to me just like that
The truth of the matter
What I want just might hurt me
And you won't let me go out like that
You know my end before my beginning
Calculated blessings down to the penny
So I'll cry 'til you tell me, "Let it go, let it be"
Oh, Lord Your will is what's best for me.
No rubies, no diamonds, no silver or no pearls
There are some lessons that I had to learn
That I would not trade in for the world
You told me that my trials
Only come to make me strong
And with this you promised, Never to leave me alone.
You love me more than I could ever know
. So I'll cry till you tell me, "Let it go, let it be"
oh Lord Your will is what's best for me.
Your word is true, and it will last
You will guide the future as you have the past.
At times I cannot see, but I know that it's so
You love me more than I'll ever know
So I'll cry til you tell me,
"Let it go let it be oh, Lord,
Your will is what's best for me.