9.30.2006
"A quote from the book that is helping me".
Every ounce of forgiveness I owned was locked away; hidden from view. I have found no one to be worthy of my valuable forgiveness, and since they never asked for any, I kept it all for myself. No more! At this moment, my life has taken on new hope and assurance. I will dissipate anger and resentment. Forgiveness only has value when it is given away. By the simple act of granting forgiveness, I release a past I can do nothing about, and I create in myself a new heart, a new beginning. I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit. I will forgive even those who do not ask for forgiveness. I have wasted valuable hours imagining revenge or confrontation. The rage I nurture is one-sided, for my offender seldom gives thought to his offense! By the act of forgiving, I am no longer consumed by unproductive thoughts. I will be content in my soul and effective again. I know that the person who lives a life according to the opinion of others is a slave. I am not a slave. I have chosen my counsel. I know the difference between right and wrong. I know what is best for the future of my family, and neither misguided opinion or unjust criticism will alter my course. Those who are critical of my methods, goals and dreams simply do not understand the higher purpose for which I have been called. Therefore, their scorn does not affect my attitude or action. I forgive their lack of vision and dedication, and I forge ahead. I will realize today that it is impossible to fight an enemy living in my head. I erase the doubts, fears and frustration that have kept my past in the present. From this day foward, my hisory will cease to control my destiny. My life has just begun. I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit.-The Traveler's Gift
9.28.2006
Some more lessons learned
Today I spent the morning in the waiting room, waiting for my gramma to get out of surgery. She was having cancer removed from her face.
I marvel at some people's strength and reliance on God. My gramma is one of those amazing people. She has, in her 67 years, been thru every trauma possible. The loss of a child. Children backsliding.
Her husband, a pastor no less, committing adultery after 30 years of marriage and walking out out on God. Financial ruin. Suffering a nervous breakdown. Cancer. Twice now.Losing her beautiful long hair because of chemo. And I act martyred if I go thru anything substantial! I need whatever it is that she has.
I don't understand God or His "will".
It must be much bigger than my mind can comprehend. But in my heart of hearts, I want the right things. Even if they go against my grain. This song is my heartbeat right now.
I wish I could tell you just what I want,
And you give it to me just like that
The truth of the matter
What I want just might hurt me
And you won't let me go out like that
You know my end before my beginning
Calculated blessings down to the penny
So I'll cry 'til you tell me, "Let it go, let it be"
Oh, Lord Your will is what's best for me.
No rubies, no diamonds, no silver or no pearls
There are some lessons that I had to learn
That I would not trade in for the world
You told me that my trials
Only come to make me strong
And with this you promised, Never to leave me alone.
You love me more than I could ever know
. So I'll cry till you tell me, "Let it go, let it be"
oh Lord Your will is what's best for me.
Your word is true, and it will last
You will guide the future as you have the past.
At times I cannot see, but I know that it's so
You love me more than I'll ever know
So I'll cry til you tell me,
"Let it go let it be oh, Lord,
Your will is what's best for me.
I marvel at some people's strength and reliance on God. My gramma is one of those amazing people. She has, in her 67 years, been thru every trauma possible. The loss of a child. Children backsliding.
Her husband, a pastor no less, committing adultery after 30 years of marriage and walking out out on God. Financial ruin. Suffering a nervous breakdown. Cancer. Twice now.Losing her beautiful long hair because of chemo. And I act martyred if I go thru anything substantial! I need whatever it is that she has.
I don't understand God or His "will".
It must be much bigger than my mind can comprehend. But in my heart of hearts, I want the right things. Even if they go against my grain. This song is my heartbeat right now.
I wish I could tell you just what I want,
And you give it to me just like that
The truth of the matter
What I want just might hurt me
And you won't let me go out like that
You know my end before my beginning
Calculated blessings down to the penny
So I'll cry 'til you tell me, "Let it go, let it be"
Oh, Lord Your will is what's best for me.
No rubies, no diamonds, no silver or no pearls
There are some lessons that I had to learn
That I would not trade in for the world
You told me that my trials
Only come to make me strong
And with this you promised, Never to leave me alone.
You love me more than I could ever know
. So I'll cry till you tell me, "Let it go, let it be"
oh Lord Your will is what's best for me.
Your word is true, and it will last
You will guide the future as you have the past.
At times I cannot see, but I know that it's so
You love me more than I'll ever know
So I'll cry til you tell me,
"Let it go let it be oh, Lord,
Your will is what's best for me.
9.27.2006
some things ive learned
It's stupid, tough and hard to understand . Talk is really cheap. Trust very few people . Things will not change, so dont get your hopes up. You cant change people. It's either there or it's not . Life is only for tough people. I have to be true to me and Jesus. I will get thru this.
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