the pippi narrative: July 2006

This blog is a slight re-visitation on my last entry. In short, an earnest look at my vice...and my plan of attack to fix it.
My most beloved boyfriend is the "model money manager". He can always afford the things he buys- he keeps gift cards until he actually likes the things he is buying- and he actually has a balance in his checking account. He has discovered the secret of being content.
It's astounding.
I am seething with jealousy.
As far as my money goes, I am quite the opposite. Gone are the days of "be content. . with such things as ye have"......
I looooooooooooooooove new clothes. I love to travel. I love love love to decorate. Oh yes, and I love new books for my "library" and I must have the latest music. Yes, I am also stocked with the latest perfume, most luscious lotion and best nail treatment. AND cute PJ's, hott shoes, great purses and 3 magazine subscriptions to better ensure my every whimsical fancy is fulfilled. I basically love to spend money. I am an out of control compulsive spender.
I want to be financially savvy. I want to save money for my wedding, kid's college and dream vacation...... but instead I fulfill the here and now. I slip easily into materialism mode. Let me tell you, it's an awful way to live.
I need to reverse my selfish habits. I am sick of being this way.
Isn't admitting your an addict the first step to recovery? (Thank God for AA) =)
There are two major things I am doing to fix me.
First, I am drinking up Ecclesiastes. I have the same problems, just maybe on a lesser scale. (see below) I am trying to war with the selfishness that is drinking me up. I would hate to live my whole life in debt, or allow my spending to get so out of hand that it affected my future family.
Secondly, I seek to understand me and my fellow empty, over-indulged generation. What causes this ? Maybe the ever guaranteed "right" we are given to satisfy our pleasures? I am terrified of the tempered manner in which my generation reacts to all things godly, balanced or even decent. We relish the things that provide greatest satisfaction for the here and now- be it money,entertainment, sex, fashion or self. Self-constraint and control is not in our vocabulary. So maybe I can learn something from all of this? That is the plan.....
So, there it is- My honest confession of the sickening obsession, and the remedy.
Ecclesiastes 2, The Message 4 -8 Oh, I did great things: built houses, planted vineyards, designed gardens and parks and planted a variety of fruit trees in them, made pools of water to irrigate the groves of trees. I bought slaves, male and female, who had children, giving me even more slaves; then I acquired large herds and flocks, larger than any before me in Jerusalem. I piled up silver and gold, loot from kings and kingdoms. I gathered a chorus of singers to entertain me with song, and—most exquisite of all pleasures— voluptuous maidens for my bed.
9 -10 Oh, how I prospered! I left all my predecessors in Jerusalem far behind, left them behind in the dust. What's more, I kept a clear head through it all. Everything I wanted I took—I never said no to myself. I gave in to every impulse, held back nothing. I sucked the marrow of pleasure out of every task—my reward to myself for a hard day's work!

11 Then I took a good look at everything I'd done, looked at all the sweat and hard work. But when I looked, I saw nothing but smoke. Smoke and spitting into the wind. There was nothing to any of it. Nothing.
12 -14 And then I took a hard look at what's smart and what's stupid. What's left to do after you've been king? That's a hard act to follow. You just do what you can, and that's it. But I did see that it's better to be smart than stupid, just as light is better than darkness. Even so, though the smart ones see where they're going and the stupid ones grope in the dark, they're all the same in the end. One fate for all—and that's it.
15 -16 When I realized that my fate's the same as the fool's, I had to ask myself, "So why bother being wise?" It's all smoke, nothing but smoke. The smart and the stupid both disappear out of sight. In a day or two they're both forgotten. Yes, both the smart and the stupid die, and that's it.
17 I hate life. As far as I can see, what happens on earth is a bad business. It's smoke—and spitting into the wind.
18 -19 And I hated everything I'd accomplished and accumulated on this earth. I can't take it with me—no, I have to leave it to whoever comes after me. Whether they're worthy or worthless—and who's to tell?—they'll take over the earthly results of my intense thinking and hard work. Smoke.

the pippi narrative

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7.14.2006

The Confession of the Obsession...and a remedy.

7.04.2006

Oh the irony

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