As it seems to me, hurt has been very close to follow me this year. And it seems to intensify as the year progresses. Today I find my comfort in knowing that in spite of hurting worse than I ever have, I have done the right thing.
God has a plan. I do NOT get it, but He still has one. I am learning to trust. Which is so hard. But I am still going to do it. It's all i've got.
"And it shall come to pass that whosoever shall call on the name of the Lord shall be delivered" (Joel 2:32).
Why do not I call on His name? Why do I run to this neighbor and that when God is so near and will hear my faintest call? Why do I sit down and devise schemes and invent plans? Why not at once roll myself and my burden upon the Lord?
Straightforward is the best runner--why do not I run at once to the living God? In vain shall I look for "deliverance anywhere else; but with God I shall find it; for here I have His royal shall to make it sure.
I need not ask whether I may call on Him or not, for that word "Whosoever" is a very wide and comprehensive one. Whosoever means me, for it means anybody and everybody who calls upon God. I will therefore follow the leading of the text, and at once call upon the glorious Lord who has made so large a promise.
My case is urgent, and I do not see how I am to be delivered; but this is no business of mine. He who makes the promise will find ways and means of keeping it. It is mine to obey His commands; it is not mine to direct His counsels. I am His servant, not His solicitor. I call upon Him, and He will deliver. --C. H. Spurgeon
11.06.2008
10.15.2008
I can make no apologies for not writing.
Actually, I have had much to write about but I have been enduring a writer's drought of sorts. Actually, writer's drought would be too specific. Better put, it's just be a weird season of nothingness that I have been blessed to experience the whole of several months. I cannot explain what I do not understand.
So many wonderful things have happened this year. While I can't say that they have been negatively offset by my "season", my thankfulness about the blessings has been modified to less than what I would normally deem acceptable.
I digress.
I have been having it out with God for a while now (in a reverant, respectful manner... ).
The Pity Party staff quickly handed me a list of questions for God:
Why did I need to be the one chosen for certain things?
Why am I still plagued by crippling anxiety at times, this year marking year #10?
Why am I seemingly so dependent on my family?
Where and when is my big break?
Honestly, this is the screened version, the edited post. I have screamed, cried, sought, sunk, and wondered...all in a very passionate way. Did the plan for my life get lost in transit? Has God forgotten about me? Is the dreamer destined to be stuck in an ordinary life? When are the dreams of my youth going to be discovered? And on and on....
Then God spoke. He has finally spoke. He waited all year... but it finally happened.
It's so easy to feel neglected!
With a cozy home, a loving family, a rockin' church, closet full of beautiful clothes, money, food and friends. Too many blessings. Comfortable, overflowing blessings. Neglected is the least applicable word!
God gives life. God gives dreams. His purpose for every human is great, regardless of whether we recognize it or not.
Today I pray for my life is that I have the ability to see past the daily grind and respond to the everyday opportunities given to me by just living. Seeking renewal and freshness, moving on and growing up. I believe every step of the ladder was intended as a secure holding place for our foot to rest on while going UP.
Well, in a perfect world apathy, complacency, and "lack of drive" would not rule. Monotony and comfort zones would not be present. But since we don't live in a perfect world, all of the above rule the major part of our lives as humans.
"Sad will be the day for any man when he becomes contented with the thoughts he is thinking and the deeds he is doing – where there is not forever beating at the doors of his soul some great desire to do something larger, which he knows that he was meant and made to do."
Phillips Brooks
1835-1893, American Episcopal Cleric
Actually, I have had much to write about but I have been enduring a writer's drought of sorts. Actually, writer's drought would be too specific. Better put, it's just be a weird season of nothingness that I have been blessed to experience the whole of several months. I cannot explain what I do not understand.
So many wonderful things have happened this year. While I can't say that they have been negatively offset by my "season", my thankfulness about the blessings has been modified to less than what I would normally deem acceptable.
I digress.
I have been having it out with God for a while now (in a reverant, respectful manner... ).
The Pity Party staff quickly handed me a list of questions for God:
Why did I need to be the one chosen for certain things?
Why am I still plagued by crippling anxiety at times, this year marking year #10?
Why am I seemingly so dependent on my family?
Where and when is my big break?
Honestly, this is the screened version, the edited post. I have screamed, cried, sought, sunk, and wondered...all in a very passionate way. Did the plan for my life get lost in transit? Has God forgotten about me? Is the dreamer destined to be stuck in an ordinary life? When are the dreams of my youth going to be discovered? And on and on....
Then God spoke. He has finally spoke. He waited all year... but it finally happened.
It's so easy to feel neglected!
With a cozy home, a loving family, a rockin' church, closet full of beautiful clothes, money, food and friends. Too many blessings. Comfortable, overflowing blessings. Neglected is the least applicable word!
God gives life. God gives dreams. His purpose for every human is great, regardless of whether we recognize it or not.
Today I pray for my life is that I have the ability to see past the daily grind and respond to the everyday opportunities given to me by just living. Seeking renewal and freshness, moving on and growing up. I believe every step of the ladder was intended as a secure holding place for our foot to rest on while going UP.
Well, in a perfect world apathy, complacency, and "lack of drive" would not rule. Monotony and comfort zones would not be present. But since we don't live in a perfect world, all of the above rule the major part of our lives as humans.
"Sad will be the day for any man when he becomes contented with the thoughts he is thinking and the deeds he is doing – where there is not forever beating at the doors of his soul some great desire to do something larger, which he knows that he was meant and made to do."
Phillips Brooks
1835-1893, American Episcopal Cleric
6.12.2008
A time....not a place.
When I see rhubarb I am immediately transported to my 8th year here upon the earth. 1992 to be exact. My lil' sis and I would pick rhubarb from our neighbors garden and "fry" it on the base of an old coffee pot we had found and plugged in by an extension cord from the garage. Don't laugh. It was delicious to our kiddie tastebuds.
We had the coolest old house then, too. There was a cupboard in the hallway just big enough to be my "office". I would fill empty milk jugs with hot water to keep me warm and decorate the walls with the awesome pictures featured in my Clubhouse and Highlights magazines. Much to my parents' delight, I even pried away the baseboard in the kitchen to make a hole for my extension chord. A girl needs electricity to keep up with her 30-book-per-library-visit habit.
My sweet momma always supported the business woman in me, too. I would ask her to take me to Big Lots to buy starch, cleaning supplies and canned goods. I would then resell the items to her, at very inflated prices. Such a lil' genius was I! (Too bad I can't get her to do that now!)
I digress.
Wonderful feelings flood me when I think about certain times in my life.
Have you ever visited a childhood haunt or your elementary school....feeling nostalgic, but unable to regain that "feeling" you thought you would find?
I have been let down on more than one occasion, feeling that a "place" could bring back a "time". It simply can't. That is why the writer of Ecclesiastes so eloquently wrote of times and seasons.
Ecclesiastes 3
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth?
I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it.
He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.
Jesus, Let my joy be complete in You and help me to be happy during every season of life... Including this one.
We had the coolest old house then, too. There was a cupboard in the hallway just big enough to be my "office". I would fill empty milk jugs with hot water to keep me warm and decorate the walls with the awesome pictures featured in my Clubhouse and Highlights magazines. Much to my parents' delight, I even pried away the baseboard in the kitchen to make a hole for my extension chord. A girl needs electricity to keep up with her 30-book-per-library-visit habit.
My sweet momma always supported the business woman in me, too. I would ask her to take me to Big Lots to buy starch, cleaning supplies and canned goods. I would then resell the items to her, at very inflated prices. Such a lil' genius was I! (Too bad I can't get her to do that now!)
I digress.
Wonderful feelings flood me when I think about certain times in my life.
Have you ever visited a childhood haunt or your elementary school....feeling nostalgic, but unable to regain that "feeling" you thought you would find?
I have been let down on more than one occasion, feeling that a "place" could bring back a "time". It simply can't. That is why the writer of Ecclesiastes so eloquently wrote of times and seasons.
Ecclesiastes 3
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth?
I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it.
He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.
Jesus, Let my joy be complete in You and help me to be happy during every season of life... Including this one.
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