The Tangled Mess of Joy and Pain

I trained for months for a 1/2 marathon on April, 30. I have illibital band syndrome and three weeks out from the race, I was told to stop training. Race day rolls around two days after I lost my grandpa, so I wasn't about to give up. So I got up at 4 AM, ate my mini Clif bar, put on two braces and acted like I hadn't missed a day of training. Race begins.
I ran on pure emotion for the first 9 miles. The sweet old lady playing the fiddle at Mile 3. The homespun band and their rendition of Sweet Home Alabama at Mile 5. The family blaring Lincoln Brewster. The two happy. slightly crazy volunteers holding a sign that said "Run like you stole something".

My time was great. Then at mile 9.5, the pain kicks in. Each time either foot would hit the ground, sharp pains shot down my shins. I endured it as long as I could, then the tears came. ;) YES. Tears. I'm a crier. But not a pain-inflicted crier. More like a sad movie or serious-talk-with-my-dad type of crier. But the pain was so excruciating that I had tears. At a race of that magnitude, there are EMT's riding bicycles swarming the runners.
So, when Mr. EMT saw me crying, of course he asked if I was ok.
I gave him a semi-mean look and said, "Fine". I think he was amused by the fact that I was slightly annoyed with his question. Ten minutes later he was back with a smile. He said, "Um, maybe walk or stretch?" Oops. I think I may have rolled my eyes at him?? ;) That part is a little vague.

At that point, I could barely walk and my great time was out the door.
So, my mission changed from running a Half and getting a great time to finishing the race. Thankfully, at Mile 11 they were handing out GU (Which I love!) and my pain let up a little bit. I finished with a strong run. While it definitely didn't go like I thought it should, I did get to run to the 50 yard line of Memorial Stadium while people cheered. It was lovely.
Finish lines have a way of erasing the memory of pain and inspiring pure joy;)

yes.
I'm beginning to understand that joy and suffering are all tangled up together. To avoid one is to miss out on the other. So, to grab hold of joy where ever it is found is to embrace suffering. Better yet, to learn from pain and allow it to finish it's perfect work is to know real joy.


"Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness." -Psalm 30:11

Breakthroughs & Dreams, God's way.

I have seen the creative handiwork of God in my life so much recently…I cannot help but be humbled by it. I will do my best to share.

My heart holds to what I believe most female hearts hold to…The quintessential dream of a woman.
--To love and be loved by a strong man. To have his babies, lay our hearts out doing God’s work and be in love for 99 years or more. That’s my biggest dream. It always has been.
As life has progressed, I have seen how my plans and timing for this dream, versus God’s, are clearly different. So different in fact, that as of June 4, I will be the last kid left at home. Not a big deal if you are the youngest child, but a kind-of big deal if you are the oldest. So throughout the whole journey, I have started to wonder about God’s plan for me. I can’t forget this dream. Or lay it aside. It’s just there.
Anyway, now that I have bared my soul…. ;)
This is supposed to be about what God is doing in my heart.
So, I must establish that I believe that God’s plan is for today. I am responsible for what I do today and then tomorrow. Everyday I have a portion of life…MY life… that fits into the bigger scheme of things. My heart cannot be the breeding ground for bitterness, laziness or lust…..the all too common struggles of a single individual.
So I have put up a strong fight against these things. I have decidedly kept my heart pure for whoever God wants me to marry. The problem was, I have also allowed myself to not accomplish certain things, because I felt like I HAD to be married in order to do them. Like missions. And freedom to feel I can have a ministry. And overcoming fears.
So this year, I started off the year on a 21 day fast from food and began very focused prayer. Breakthrough Number 1. So long excuses on why I haven’t done extended fasting. I CAN do it.
This launched multiple other victories in my life. I began to have extended periods of freedom from the anxiety that I’ve had for years. Breakthrough #2.
I’ve begun to see the fruition of my heart’s desires come to pass in ministry. I feel less timid in what God has called me to be in my music ministry, and in general. I have been humbled and pleased that His anointing has enveloped me and I have felt distinct purpose. Breakthrough #3.

I decided that waiting to go on a Missions trip is pretty much like waiting to breathe. Dumb. So I am now headed to Spain and Portugal July 1-11, thanks to my wonderful friends, family and a providing God. Breathrough #4.

And lastly, I am gently reminded that if God is able to work in me to accomplish all this… I am sure I needn’t concern myself with my heart's lovliest dream. He knows all about it. And...maybe... eventually... the 99 years of true love might happen, too;)

Sometimes dreams come true in the bad times. Or maybe, what happens in the bad times gets you ready for your dreams. I think. ;)

There once was a little girl. She had untainted views of God and people, immense dreams and whole love. Then she grew up and had to search for ways to keep those things alive...because they were constantly challenged. This grown up girl will work on that every day though. Because some things are too precious to give up. =)

Missions Trip!

Dear Friends and Family:
I hope that God is doing as many wonderful things in your life as He is in mine. I am happily working on my 2nd year as Kindermusik teacher. I also enjoy working in Music Ministry at the church. I have been dreaming about doing more for the world around me, and now feel like that opportunity has opened up.
I want to share with you a challenging ministry opportunity that has been presented to me. From July 22 through August 1, 2011, I have the chance to go to Japan with a group called Apostolic Youth Corps. This 10-day missions trip will be reaching out and spreading gospel to the Japanese people while getting involved with their communities.
While God has opened up a door for me to develop a greater heart of compassion for His people around the world, the exciting part is that you will be able to share in this compassion in several ways. First, you can help pray for me and the AYC group. Specifically, for protection while we travel and that God will bless our efforts as we minister to the people of Japan. We will also need prayers that our financial needs will be met. At this time I need to raise $3,200, and that is quite a challenge!
Another way you can be involved is to help provide that financial support. Would you consider supporting me with a small donation? I have included a postage-paid envelope for you to use if you feel led to contribute. I will need to raise all my funds by May 1 in order to pay for airline tickets and other items. Please make checks payable to Brittanie Donaldson. Whether you feel led to contribute financially, through prayer, or both, all of your support is appreciated.
I look forward to helping lots of Japanese people meet Jesus and touching many hearts. I look forward to letting you know all about how God has worked through this team when I return.
God Bless You,
Brittanie Donaldson

diary of dreams

I have been meloncholy and reflective lately, and it's definitely showing in my posts. Im such a emotional, girly basketcase sometimes =/
welll anyway.
I have this book I have written in since I was really little. I have recorded pretty much anything and everything I have thought about between age 7 until now.

In it..... I have changed my future kid's names a hundred different times, written out my first and last name according to who my current crush was, and kept a diary of every crazy dream and aspiration I have ever had.
I went back to my book last night to add some things I have discovered, and I was amazed that most of my dreams from my childhood have stayed the same. Welll... I don't want to name my kid's Kevin and Brittany Kay anymore....and I no longer care if I own a ShowBiz pizza or drive a pink convertible... but all in all ... I'm the same.
It's amazing how you develop your distinct personality so young, huh?
Maybe one day when I am feeling brave and open I will post some of my entries from my "diary of dreams" on here... today is definitely not that day.